Paralysis of Analysis

Hey…it’s been two weeks since I last blogged. I was stuck in the paralysis of analysis.
Let me explain.
Since the first week of July, the focus of the work that God has been doing in my heart has been to wean me off of my addiction for validation. You see, my “works” often times were done with a hidden agenda, and the agenda was to garner praises from men from which I could validate myself and this identify my worth to the kingdom and the body. Since this reality has transitioned from the land of ignorance to the garden of enlightenment, it’s been a hard road, and these past two weeks have been the toughest. It’s almost been like a major withdrawal.
Again, let me explain.
I’ve been going through my regular daily/weekly routine of life as an intern. But what hasn’t been happening is the amount of “praise” that was coming my way. It was almost like I actually became hidden, and I was now a faded memory instead of a tangible reality. (Irony: I actually picked that word “hidden” as what I needed to be….funny eh?) Anyway, so I wondered, and reflected, prayed and read. Still I felt really hurt and confused. Then came the climax, I was hanging with some of the Church, and it seemed that at every turn I was being ignored and even shunned (that’s what it felt like, it wasn’t the reality). So on Tuesday, Wade the drummer flagged me down and he invited me to hang at his house. He asked me what was up, so I spilled it. He said to me (and I quote) “Dude, I’m gonna share with you four words that will change your life, ready? It’s not about you.” Kick me in the pants and call me Frenchy. The stark, harsh reality hit me like a French woman’s purse to the head. All of a sudden, the Lord showed me that I was getting what I asked for. That all of a sudden, I was aware just how much I was relying on others for my validation instead of who Christ identifies me as. I am because he made me. I am loved because he loved me…
So here I am, fully aware of my addiction, and am only really now beginning to be weaned off. My God has been doing his part well, confirming his plans and desires for me, and telling me I’m good enough. He also has had key people speak into my life, people that don’t encourage to puff up, but because they’re led to by the Spirit.
So things are good, but here’s the point and the lesson in all of this. I got stuck in the paralysis of analysis. I got hung up with the circumstance, the way I felt, the neglect that I was perceiving, and then I got stuck trying to figure it out. The analysis of my situation paralyzed me and kept me from turning to my God for the answer and the strength. Get it. We as humans are so wired to try to figure out these things on our own, but we can’t. Isaiah 55 says “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.” We can try and try till we’re sweating blood to analyze our situations, but God’s ways are so far above our mental processed, that the only way to reach a conclusion is to step out, free from our minds, and step into our spirit to seek out the Alpha and Omega for guidance.
Roach out.

Jesus vs. The Wishing Well

There are times when introspection is unavoidable. Someone says something and it triggers something inside that you cannot ignore. Can I get an amen? You know what I mean. For me it happened today during the Gathering at Watermark. The conversation was centered around questioning the object of our faith...Are we serving God for God, or for the experience. Well that got me thinking about my faith...Am I in it for the ride and hope it brings thrills and chills, or am I in because God first loved me and my response to his love is discipleship. But as the day went on I mulled over in my head over and over and wondered what my relationship with Jesus was all about.
You see, I have friends that are true blooded friends..The kind I would never take for granted and would walk the plank for.. And then I have friends that are purely, well for convenience...And vice versa...Kind of a useful practicle acquaintance. But what is my relationship with Jesus like? So I wondered......

Am I meeting Jesus at the wishing well? Do I go to him and throw my two cents in, close my eyes, make a request, swear never to tell, not for fear that it may not come to pass, but that if it doesn't come to pass that I can imagine that I never asked therefore avoid disappointment with him? Tough question...But is that my Jesus: a wishing well. A place where you whisper your request, wishes, dreams, toss in a few coins and hope for the best. I'm here to say that I have and do treat my Jesus that way. I have found that with the tough things in life, I go to him ("cause that's what Christians do"), and I give him my two cents worth. I let him know what I think should be done and what my plan is, you know in case he's fresh out of ideas. Then I close my eyes, and decide to keep this one between me and the big guy upstairs, just in case. Cause if I share it for others to pray about, it might show weakness, frailty, doubt or some other natural human attribute.

The point is...The lesson learned is that if I approach Jesus as my wishing well, then that's all I'm allowing him to be in my life...an empty hole in the ground that eats up my cash and my hopes. But the Truth is that he is much more than that. He is hope... he is the very solid foundation that permits us to stand, and we can take our hopes and our wishes and our requests and our dreams to him and have the fullest confidence that he shares in our passions and our hurts. He is the sympathetic interceding Lord.

I shall approach him with the same fervor as I did the well, but leave with more hope and confidence that my whispered request isn't lost when the echo reaches the bottom of the well...No, it it climbs to the top of the heavens, where one day I'll pear in Christ's notebook and see the scribblings of the God who once took notes on what I was going through.

Jesus vs. The Wishing Well.....

I'm putting my two cents of Jesus.

Roach out.