Someone once said to me we, as people, desire to know and be known.
I've been reflecting on that today.
On Thursday I experience my very first Kansas "ice day". In a Kansas winter, it's warm enough during the day to melt all the snow and ice, but right around supper time, the temp drops and all this fresh water freezes into a clear sheet of ice. I, with my newly purchased minivan, was exiting our church parking lot, broken traction, slid down the inclined parking lot, smashing into the curb causing, oh over $2500 in damage. My very first insurance claim ever! Congrats are in order.
Now this isn't an overly traumatic experience. In fact it wasn't that bad, except for the deductible I need to pay. But there is this thorn in my side, a compelling feeling to share this experience with people in my life. No one has asked “hey where’s your van?”, or “been in any interesting accidents lately?” I just offer up the information.
I’m starting to see that pattern in my life. I freely offer up information. I once thought my motives for doing so what that I so hated it when people withheld information (since info is power), that I decided that I would not do that to people…make them wonder what’s going on. And that may be part of it, but I’m starting to wonder if it’s because of my desire to be known.
Is that why I surround myself with people all the time? Is this the motivation for writing books, or giving lectures, or even blogging?
If I share less, I protect myself, I get that. The more everything hangs out the more it will get stomped on. I learned that this week with the “Canadian” in America.
Where is the balance of being guarded and being open? What’s the line between being transparent but not letting them see everything?
John Symonds used to say: “Let them know you have feet made of clay, but don’t let them see your feet.” He never said how this is accomplished. I wonder if it truly is.
2 Comments:
Hey Jason.
I identify with your struggles in this one. I'm sorry you are experiencing the "icy-ness" of some midwesterners.
I don't know if there is a balance between being known and being guarded. Some people will always think you are too guarded. and when sharing the same amount of info with other people tjeu may think that you are too "open." It all depends on the person, and you just have to guess how much they are able to 'cherish' what you have to say.
I usually test people with little tidbits of info and see if they are interested or respond well or keep confidentiality. I also watch/listen to how the speak of others when the person is not there to defend him/herself. If they do respond well, and after time appear trustworthy, I jump in to the next level, and the next...
But it's different for every person I meet. And frankly, some people are dangerous. And the ones who are most dangerous are the ones who never let ANYone really know them at all...
That whole "don't let them see the feet bit" flies in the face of incarnational ministry. Not being incarnational and real is a huge turn off to me, when it comes to trusting my christian leaders. I want to know their faults. I want to know them. That makes them more trustworthy. The last thing the Christian church needs today is to idolize its leaders or members. All parts are equal. Or should be.
My ten cents.
"I decided that I would not do that to people…make them wonder what’s going on."
Well, speaking for most of us... we're really not interested. You deserve some change back from your two cents worth.
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