Paralysis of Analysis

Hey…it’s been two weeks since I last blogged. I was stuck in the paralysis of analysis.
Let me explain.
Since the first week of July, the focus of the work that God has been doing in my heart has been to wean me off of my addiction for validation. You see, my “works” often times were done with a hidden agenda, and the agenda was to garner praises from men from which I could validate myself and this identify my worth to the kingdom and the body. Since this reality has transitioned from the land of ignorance to the garden of enlightenment, it’s been a hard road, and these past two weeks have been the toughest. It’s almost been like a major withdrawal.
Again, let me explain.
I’ve been going through my regular daily/weekly routine of life as an intern. But what hasn’t been happening is the amount of “praise” that was coming my way. It was almost like I actually became hidden, and I was now a faded memory instead of a tangible reality. (Irony: I actually picked that word “hidden” as what I needed to be….funny eh?) Anyway, so I wondered, and reflected, prayed and read. Still I felt really hurt and confused. Then came the climax, I was hanging with some of the Church, and it seemed that at every turn I was being ignored and even shunned (that’s what it felt like, it wasn’t the reality). So on Tuesday, Wade the drummer flagged me down and he invited me to hang at his house. He asked me what was up, so I spilled it. He said to me (and I quote) “Dude, I’m gonna share with you four words that will change your life, ready? It’s not about you.” Kick me in the pants and call me Frenchy. The stark, harsh reality hit me like a French woman’s purse to the head. All of a sudden, the Lord showed me that I was getting what I asked for. That all of a sudden, I was aware just how much I was relying on others for my validation instead of who Christ identifies me as. I am because he made me. I am loved because he loved me…
So here I am, fully aware of my addiction, and am only really now beginning to be weaned off. My God has been doing his part well, confirming his plans and desires for me, and telling me I’m good enough. He also has had key people speak into my life, people that don’t encourage to puff up, but because they’re led to by the Spirit.
So things are good, but here’s the point and the lesson in all of this. I got stuck in the paralysis of analysis. I got hung up with the circumstance, the way I felt, the neglect that I was perceiving, and then I got stuck trying to figure it out. The analysis of my situation paralyzed me and kept me from turning to my God for the answer and the strength. Get it. We as humans are so wired to try to figure out these things on our own, but we can’t. Isaiah 55 says “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.” We can try and try till we’re sweating blood to analyze our situations, but God’s ways are so far above our mental processed, that the only way to reach a conclusion is to step out, free from our minds, and step into our spirit to seek out the Alpha and Omega for guidance.
Roach out.