the paradox of "my life"

I've been reading Hebrews 11-12 for the past few weeks.

I don't know if I should be excited or convicted, but it lit a fire under me. It's like I've never heard the message before. It all seems so new to me.

The great cloud of witnesses; the great people that came before us; the pioneers of the faith. They united together under the banner of God, and their lives call us to unite.

Check out 11:39-40

Not one of these people, even though their lives of faith were exemplary, got their hands on what was promised. God had a better plan for us: that their faith and our faith would come together to make one completed whole, their lived of faith not complete apart from ours.

Our faith is not my faith. I am not an island. I am not on my own. I am part of a community of faith. a community that I am responsible to and for. A community that I am accountable to. A unified body with a unified mission. Apart from the community I am not whole; am not complete; am missing something; am not me.

How does "my" life fit in to the vision of the Christ. I guess it doesn't. Only a life surrendered to him can fit into his vision. My life is not my own. It belongs to Christ. It belongs to the community.

My Life: a paradox

think about it

complaining

A pastor that I admire once said: If you have a problem with this person, and a problem with that person, and a problem with this other person, then maybe your the problem.

Makes me think.

If I get frustrated or irritated with something or someone, can it be justified? can I get frustrated or irritated? Am I free to do that? Is that part of the the deal when Christ came to set us free?

Can compassion ever run out. Should it? Mine is low. Christmas break took alot out (several reasons). Is it possible to be full of compassion for someone for so long despite how they treat you. to take all their abuse and still look at them with love and hope that they will see and receive your love freely. Is it possible to be full of compassion for those people, but then have the source of that compassion, the Father, cut it dry?

I can't figure out if it's me being petty, or the Father saying "ok, Jason, you'd taken it long enough, they've had every opportunity to see it, now it's time to step back, hand them over to their evil desires and move on."

I'm really tore up about this. Prayer would be needed.

Thanks for the compassion in reading this. I receive what I am unable/unwilling to give. You are being Christ to me.