When Worlds Collide
I expected this to happen, but there was nothing I could do to prepare. Last night I shared the message at a local church gathering. The pastor is none other than John Symonds, a dear friend and valued mentor. He’s also a professor of mine here at College. He has poured into my life, and has believed in me when others forsook me. So last night I began my prepared message. Halfway through the first point, I stopped, looked over the congregation and asked for their favor. I didn’t feel right about what I was saying. It wasn’t that I thought it was a wrong message or that the Truth wasn’t being shared, but I felt that I wasn’t being me. I shared with them that I felt to prepared, that I was trying to deliver an “A” sermon and impress them. I asked for their forgiveness and if I may share from my heart. The theme was love, and that without love, all our gifts and virtues are worthless (1 Cor. 13:1-3). The body was more than gracious and loving, giving me the freedom to change the flow and bare my heart.
Here’s the crash. I struggled with a sense of defeat, like I had let John down. He didn’t vocalize that and I know that appreciated the honesty, but I can’t shake this feeling. He and I spoke about how I was feeling on the way home and his advice was not to lose this freedom I now have to be me and to be authentic, but to be careful not to swing so far to the other side and be totally run by my “feeling” and to reject the value of study and structure. I think that’s wisdom, and that it has value. The struggle here now, is to find the balance. I can’t forsake the freedom I have been blessed with, but at the same time I don’t want to leave behind the richness of the Word and the life Truth it offers.
On Jan. 30th, I am addressing the student body, I hope to have reach some sort of solid ground in this struggle. I could be blowing this out of proportion. We’ll see.
Roach out.
Here’s the crash. I struggled with a sense of defeat, like I had let John down. He didn’t vocalize that and I know that appreciated the honesty, but I can’t shake this feeling. He and I spoke about how I was feeling on the way home and his advice was not to lose this freedom I now have to be me and to be authentic, but to be careful not to swing so far to the other side and be totally run by my “feeling” and to reject the value of study and structure. I think that’s wisdom, and that it has value. The struggle here now, is to find the balance. I can’t forsake the freedom I have been blessed with, but at the same time I don’t want to leave behind the richness of the Word and the life Truth it offers.
On Jan. 30th, I am addressing the student body, I hope to have reach some sort of solid ground in this struggle. I could be blowing this out of proportion. We’ll see.
Roach out.
4 Comments:
wow. great to hear you are sharing the word. Great to hear you are struggling because out of struggling comes great things. I know you know that; just thought i would remind you.
you are awesome.
c
It's both/and, Roach, which is probably what your friend John was trying to say. Being authentic and Spirit sensitive (my interpretation of your word "feeling") does not have to exclude solid preparation and immersion in the Word. There have been many preachers who abandoned what they've had prepared because they felt the Spirit leading them in a different direction. But I'm guessing they wouldn't have heard the Spirit's voice had they not immersed themselves, and earnestly sought God in preparation.
My concern is that you felt you let John down. Who cares? What does Jesus think? Be yourself (authentic) for sure! But that's not the point either. Allow God to use who you are to speak the message he has laid on your heart. Don't worry about what John or the congregation feels about it. If you feel like you didn't obey the Spirit's promptings, THEN you have a problem.
That's my two cents, I mean, loonies, for what it's worth.
Once again..I ever so enjoy your blog writings. Thank you so much for shedding some light and sharing your thoughts with us.
I just wish we could've spent more time together when you were stateside.
hey my friend. i never know if people read comments on old blogs, but oh well. i think steve is right in his comments above; i think John is an example to all aspiring pastors (makes me want to be one!). John is honest. it is the enemy bringing feelings of doubt. i don't say that lightly.
i wish i could be in sussex for Sunday! you have no idea how much i wish that. prayers are with you.
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