Living on…

I sometimes sit and wonder what I’m living on. What fundamentally makes me tick. Well, according to Steve Tyler (Aerosmith) when you’re living on the edge, you can’t help yourself from falling, so that can’t be it. My good friend Bon Jovi says that when your living on a prayer, you'll make it (he swears), but I don't know about that. So I’ve been thinking: what do I live on. In the past few weeks, all I can think about is having to live on faith. But frankly, I think that sucks. I know those are harsh words and most of us may never dream of saying that, but I mean it. I’m being honest, God knows it. I don’t like it one bit. It takes all the control out of my hands, and forces me to daily look at how helpless I really am. Now I know that’s the whole point: to create an environment that draws me closer to God and increases my dependency on him. BUT, I still resent it. It’s so tough…

The more and more I look at my life though, looking back especially at the last 7 months, whether I was aware of it or not, I was living on faith. Not the kind of faith that makes me pray for God’s financial provision, but the kind that is taken for granted, the one that is received without asking. Going on this journey and discovering who God is and who I am in light of God, I needed a to rely on God in whole new ways. I needed to rely on his Word and promises that he wouldn’t forsake me. I needed to have faith that he would sustain me emotionally, mentally, spiritually while going through the soul stripping process. Except, I only see now the implicit faith that was there the whole time. The gift of faith that was operating in and around me, without my knowledge. So the question now is: Will I live on this faith now that I am aware of it.? Will I choose faith?

I wonder what I will do…still in the process, still on the journey.

Roach out.