Compassion or in-authenticity

In this search for authenticity, in making it more real in my life, it has come to my attention that I am being seen as smug. It would seem that when I’m in a crowd or in a conversation, my lack of facial expression is being translated as frustration and/or a “I’m better than you so I’m not going to get involved in your banter.” This concerns me since it’s not my heart. Most times I’m just listening or reflecting on what’s being said. I know it’s a change of pace from my usual “ranting”, but it’s truly what I’m doing. But the concern is that I’m offending people and possibly causing them to stumble. In order to remedy this side effect of my journey, I’ve attempted to make a more valid attempt to be aware of my body language, that when in a conversation, to appear as engaged as I am, to let the other person(s) that I am listening and not judging them. I think it’s necessary for healthy relationships. But the other day, there was a situation that made we wonder…am I truly living in compassion at the moment, or am I faking it. Let me explain.

A friend came to visit and we had a chat. I have a very hard time finding anything real about them and find what they say strongly opposes how they live. I find it difficult to love them as Christ does because they frustrate me. That being said, this specific day, I attempted to be compassionate, listen carefully, engage in the conversation and give everything they said the benefit of the doubt, to think and assume the best of them in all situations. Mission accomplished (I think). But I’m now wondering if I was being fake. Was my state on of compassion flowing from the love of God, or was I merely being in-authentic by not expressing what I really wanted to do which was to question their every statement. I guess if I was cognitively making the attempt to be compassionate, then it wasn’t natural, and in that case I was faking it, instead of being it. Hmmm. I’m not sure. Still wondering.

Roach out.