learning to follow: God vs. the god of the moment
College teaches you many things. But when the Heaven's leadership guru John Maxwell is someone we should aspire to be like (sense the sarcasm), then "leadership" becomes the God of the moment. I don't blame my college or as my darker skinned friend would say "hating on" (that's for you Aza) them, but it is a value I picked up along the way that is caused much chaos in my life at the moment.
Leadership is something that I, to the detriment of others, aspire to be a part of. My motives vary: control, power, influence, adoration, validation, having followers, being the go to guy...are ones that are of course...NEGATIVE. I assume I have very few pure motives concerning my desire to be a leader since things I desire from the flesh rarely come from the spirit. That being said.... I'm learning to follow.
But since I'm at the threshold of the journey, barely breaking the starting line, looking back at the chasm of my past, at times longing for the comfort I found in self-pity and shallow adoration, I still am unclear as to what I am following. Am I following God, creator of Heaven & Earth, the Alpha & Omega, Jehovah, Elohim; or have I traded in one god of the moment for the next. Have I traded the leadership god for the humility/servant attitude god. I don't know. Thus the confusion and frustration.
I recently had a conversation with someone serving inthe Children's ministry, and I found myself saying the right thing, in the sense of what was best for them, not myself or what I would consider "my area of influence." But today I started thinking of why I did it. Was it born out of time spent with the Spirit; or was it to "do the right thing" and feel some sort of satisfaction in that alone.
Despite this seeming turmoil, I can say that all this does one thing: it forces me to God. I say force cause I'm still very unwilling to go to him, in the sense that He is not my first source of help. There are many things that I go to first... But I have hope & faith that these things are showing me and teaching me one thing: God is the way.
For now, all I have is the hope. And that's good enough for me...
Leadership is something that I, to the detriment of others, aspire to be a part of. My motives vary: control, power, influence, adoration, validation, having followers, being the go to guy...are ones that are of course...NEGATIVE. I assume I have very few pure motives concerning my desire to be a leader since things I desire from the flesh rarely come from the spirit. That being said.... I'm learning to follow.
But since I'm at the threshold of the journey, barely breaking the starting line, looking back at the chasm of my past, at times longing for the comfort I found in self-pity and shallow adoration, I still am unclear as to what I am following. Am I following God, creator of Heaven & Earth, the Alpha & Omega, Jehovah, Elohim; or have I traded in one god of the moment for the next. Have I traded the leadership god for the humility/servant attitude god. I don't know. Thus the confusion and frustration.
I recently had a conversation with someone serving inthe Children's ministry, and I found myself saying the right thing, in the sense of what was best for them, not myself or what I would consider "my area of influence." But today I started thinking of why I did it. Was it born out of time spent with the Spirit; or was it to "do the right thing" and feel some sort of satisfaction in that alone.
Despite this seeming turmoil, I can say that all this does one thing: it forces me to God. I say force cause I'm still very unwilling to go to him, in the sense that He is not my first source of help. There are many things that I go to first... But I have hope & faith that these things are showing me and teaching me one thing: God is the way.
For now, all I have is the hope. And that's good enough for me...
3 Comments:
great blog. don't let introspection become a god, either. ;) (said only partially in jest.) i have fallen on my knees in introspection to many times.
Hey DeRoche, it's Damien. Good thoughts on leadership, I'm learning a bit of that myself.
It's funny that we mention John Maxwell... after all, his blessing is on our new chapel and I just saw him speak last Friday... that must mean (especially if I graduate in that thing as we of the '06 grads were promised) that I can rest assured of my salvation... right?
Favorite John Maxwell quote from the seminar: “I have it (the meaning of life) written on this card, it’s laminated... that means it’s holy.”
I miss you both.
Beware ID.
<3
Post a Comment
<< Home