feeling the good, feeling the bad...

Now that GenMark's movements (watermark's student ministries) are in full swing, there are some highs & lows to deal with. It's not as bad as I've just madd it sounds, but it's the reality of what good ol' Dicky Starks would call the "bump & grind of minstry".

The good is really good. kids are connecting with God, the truth of Christ of being lived out amoungst leadership, people are growing, changing and being freed. We've had some guides make the huge transition from too self-concious to dance to daving their buns off. We've had some new leaders emerge and really take hold of the vision. We've had some longer term faithful leaders step up their game. All of which is overwhelmingly encouraging. I think of a conversation I had with a parent/servant of our students, and how excited I was to see this person so connected and aware of what's going on. goes to show that you can't read a book by looking at the cover, or something like that. I've also seen my wife grow in leaps & bounds, shedding off things that hinder (proud of you Judes).

The bad is not bad as much as it is, well, not as good. I feel tired. I find myself more and more consumed with the vision, with the purpose and if I'm being a catalyst or a hindrance. Being concious of motives and whether my heart really loves, or just want to give the impression of care is really taking a toll on my rest. I find myself awake at night dreaming of what it would be like to sleep...but wanting to be free of myself, to be saved from my fleshly desires and temptations. I think I'm re-finding the rhythm of my relationship with God, but it's a tyring journey to get there. I think I better understand when people have told me "we eat, breath and poop out this stuff".

This is my life... it is who I want to be...

thanks Father