Love not yet perfected

The problem with using the blogsphere as a whipping boy to vent my frustration, is that my sin is out there for all to see. Sure I could delete the posting and hope that no one read it, but that would just perpetuate a sentiment of hiding and covering up the reality rather than addressing it. So when I post that “BBC doesn't have enough sense at times to take their students' concerns seriously”, I am holding them to a standard and promise that they never said they would keep and that I am unable to show up for myself, and in that I am a hypocrite, and sin.

Grace precedes my revelation and removes guilt and condemnation, which are not from God (Rom. 8). But what I’ve realized, is that I am still far from being perfected in love, meaning that I still have much sin in my life to be purge, much attitude and pride that must be purged, too much of myself left in the drivers seat.

But that’s not the full lesson:

The lesson is that in the smallest word, thought, or deed, there can be revealed to be one of two things. Either I am bringing Glory to God by living in Spirit, or I am rejecting God by living in the flesh. I think, (I know) that I live in a hint of ignorance. I tend to look at certain feelings and thoughts that have big impacts on my day, and consecrate those, but I ignore the everyday conversation, the little comments I make, or the side thoughts I have when someone speaks. The “little” judgments or “quasi” truths that leave our some information, usually stuff that makes me look less impressive. The lesson is that God is constantly desiring to be at work in me, and I only response part of the time. This means I am not surrendered, or committed. Can someone be partially committed and still be considered committed. No…you either are or your not. I understand growth in grace and holiness, but there comes a point when you need to put your foot down and say: Ok, I’m in!

I guess what I’m saying is that: I’m in! No more piddling around, I want to surrender.

Roach out.