Pour l'amour du bon Dieu, et du Saint-Esprit
A family expressions. It means for the love of God and the Holy Spirit. When people say it here, it generally doesn't spark a deeper awareness to God or the Holy Spirit or awaken them any sort of motives. It just sounds more nice than the plethora of not so nice expressions the culture offers. But this particular expression has help & bothered me.
This trip home has been nice. We've reconnected with friends, be bombarded with people we barely new but insisted we were great friends and needed to tend to their needs for our attention and time, we've seen and been loved by family, (I even got to watch a hockey game with my grandpa...oh the floodgate of nostalgia has been opened).
But with all the good that this trip has brought, it has offered a large thorn in my side, whether self inflicted or divinely placed: it's there.
My brother.
I love my brother...wait I take that back...the word love doesn't quite cover the feelings, commitment and angst I carry for him. This morning Judy and I talk about the past week, and how sad we are that my brother feels that he still needs to earn our love and loyalty. He still feels the need to cut me to look good in front of Judy. He still feels the need to patronize and minimize my life and shine the all glorious light on his, even though we have offered no condemnation or prejudice towards his choices. And let me tell you: I hurt because of it. Not because I'm a big baby and I want him to love me in a certain way (part of me does, I want him to be 'nice' to me), not because he's a jerk and I'm a martyr...but pour l'amour du bon Dieu et du Saint-Esprit.
This expression has shown me that I hurt because of God (see the quick blameshifting I just pulled..I learned it from Adam in Genesis..heh heh) I hurt because the love that I have received must be shared, must be given to others, and when it is rejected or ignored, it hurts. I don't understand it, I can't understand it. My heart longs for him to know that I love him: that's it. That's it....
that's all.
For the love of God and the Holy Spirit, I love. I guess no one promised that it would be always easy or safe: but it is good.
This trip home has been nice. We've reconnected with friends, be bombarded with people we barely new but insisted we were great friends and needed to tend to their needs for our attention and time, we've seen and been loved by family, (I even got to watch a hockey game with my grandpa...oh the floodgate of nostalgia has been opened).
But with all the good that this trip has brought, it has offered a large thorn in my side, whether self inflicted or divinely placed: it's there.
My brother.
I love my brother...wait I take that back...the word love doesn't quite cover the feelings, commitment and angst I carry for him. This morning Judy and I talk about the past week, and how sad we are that my brother feels that he still needs to earn our love and loyalty. He still feels the need to cut me to look good in front of Judy. He still feels the need to patronize and minimize my life and shine the all glorious light on his, even though we have offered no condemnation or prejudice towards his choices. And let me tell you: I hurt because of it. Not because I'm a big baby and I want him to love me in a certain way (part of me does, I want him to be 'nice' to me), not because he's a jerk and I'm a martyr...but pour l'amour du bon Dieu et du Saint-Esprit.
This expression has shown me that I hurt because of God (see the quick blameshifting I just pulled..I learned it from Adam in Genesis..heh heh) I hurt because the love that I have received must be shared, must be given to others, and when it is rejected or ignored, it hurts. I don't understand it, I can't understand it. My heart longs for him to know that I love him: that's it. That's it....
that's all.
For the love of God and the Holy Spirit, I love. I guess no one promised that it would be always easy or safe: but it is good.
2 Comments:
great to hear for you! where in the world are you??
dude, there's a lot of wisdom in that post. it's amazing how we consider relationships to be a zero-sum game and so i can only be impressive when i take some of your shine away from you. you, jason, realize, however, that love is a multiplying entity--love given is not lost, it multiplies. and when love given is received and returned with greed, it hurts. can't wait to see you.
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